A few days ago Barbara posted the following question on our Facebook page AutismTalk. She asked “Why is it that people who’ve never actually met/dealt with someone with autism are the only ones that go to autism message boards/videos/sites and try to correct or lecture parents, teachers, and others that see and work with autism all the time? Am I the only one bothered by this? … “My friend/co-worker has a child with autism so I’m going to lecture you now.” Ooh. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.”

Granted lots of people who talked about autism online are, of course, members of the ASD community there is rather a large kernel of truth in her comments and certainly it is an excellent question. Indeed we thought it would be useful to have it as a discussion blog as part of our “Autism and Parenting” series.

The aim of this blog post is to share some of the responses we received to Barbara’s question and also to give our other readers and opportunity to give their suggestions or indeed just vent!

“My favourite – your child is so belligerent – no he’s autistic please learn the difference!” from Shaneen clearly struck a cord with many of our readers!

As did Nikki’s “Some people get it most don’t! My favourite comment “well he looks normal! ” oh sorry are they suppose to have a sign on their fore heads or something!!! The latest one ive got from a member of the family is “he’s growing out of what ever he had before I think hes correcting his behaviours so he doesn’t have it now! ” (my son has aspergers and dyslexia and adhd). Yay hes cured then…..? Are they real?”

Holly got some real rubbish from a healthcare professional “Lol. I love how a psychiatrist tells me what to do with my son. And she has no kids. Only book knowledge. Today she told me to take him to the ER for a meltdown. Umm. Lady that’s not the answer. He’s 13. And I know what I’m doing. Just get him a counselor like I’ve requested five times. His old Dr moved to England. He had kids. He understood. I called her boss and said I’m done. New Dr time. Give me someone that doesn’t fear Autism. That’s what frustrated me. She acted afraid of him. He would raise his voice and she would tense up. Umm your a psychiatrist. More training needed. Of course he raised his voice. You asked questions about abuse he received from school. Duh.”

Chris was stoical in his approach “You just have to learn to let it wash past you…… Nobody really knows it unless they live it..”

Kelly shares “my fav is actually “I work/ed with them, I know what ur talking about but ur wrong” so what you spend an hr at a time with any one child and you go home and sleep? talk to me when you havent slept much for a month or more and have been screamed at for making the pb+j in the wrong order, or you ran out of the fav food (even though you offered to run out and get more right now)”

Juliah has been told something my wife and I were told ” I see a lot of “autism didn’t exist 50 years ago so its just an easy excuse for bad parenting!” Obviously they’re uneducated because autism has been “around” for over 100 years! Also many parents of asd children also have children not on the spectrum and the behaviours are so different. Surely if we are bad parents all of our children would “misbehave”? I dont really blame people with no experience of an autistic child for their ignorance, because before our children were diagnosed werent we equally ignorant? If I saw a child screaming at its parent because it couldnt have something it wanted, or heard that a child in one of my childrens classes had behaved in an awful manner, I would have just presumed they were naughty, spoilt, needed a bit of discipline (not violence btw) never really thinking that there may be other issues going on. Schools do not inform parents which children are autistic, adhd, have a problematic homelife etc and which arent. So when someone had picked on your autistic child we may just presume they are a nasty child when actually, they may have struggles of their own. I know ive rambled on a bit but the point im trying to make is noone is educated in everything and we will all, at some time or another, judge a person even though we dont know what their story is. I really dont mind what people say any more, as I know the truth. My boy has such struggles to face each and every day, but he is the most loving, affectionate, comical, clever, amazing little boy. People may judge because he has been violent and say its my fault, but only my family has gone through this struggle, only we know all the efforts we have gone to to get the best for, and out of our child. NOONE ELSE MATTERS!!!!”

But for Patti it has been a nightmare “I have a daughter that is 24 and having alot of problems right now she was aggressive now she on meds still has melted downs a few times a day. The neighbors dont like us they called cys , health board and now we have to move out we rent. The one neighbor told us that all of them cant believe that we are keeping her instead of putting her away, really need friends that understand thanks”

Della says “My personal favorite: “They just need a good whack on the bottom”. Since my child had massive sensory overload in all of his senses and can only wear certain materials and can’t stand going barefoot outside, I’m sure a nice stinging whack isn’t really going to solve a meltdown. If possible, make sure they are in a safe place and let them have a melt down. This worked for my child and may not work for someone else s but he has learned how to self-regulate and as a young teenager he rarely has meltdowns.”

So what has been your most irritating bit of advice about autism? How did you respond? What did would you suggest to others told some utter rubbish.

You can share in the comments section below.

Thanks very much in advance!