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Autism and Challenging Behaviour Part 13 – Nail Cutting. How can to persuade an autistic child to have their toe or finger nails cut?

Autism and emotional connections

Autism and emotional connections

For the nearly a year now we have been running a series of blog posts which we have called “Autism and Challenging Behaviour“. These have varied from how to deal with meltdowns to going having a haircut.

In fact I’ve used it to get advice on issues relating to John our 8 year old son with ASD.

Last week in our Facebook page AutismTalk one of our readers asked the very reasonable question “anyone have trouble cutting your childs toe nails?”.

With well over 200 responses I thought this would be a great opportunity to share some of the tips shared by our other readers.

If you have any suggestions it would be great if you could use the comments box below to tell us more.

So here goes (and my apologies to anyone we have missed out) :-

“My 6 yo asd adhd sounded like we were trying to cut a limb off when we were cutting his finger and toe nails so I did them when he was asleep. Now he cuts them himself with nail clippers (under our supervision). He feels grown up, it’s far less stress for us all and the job gets done. Xxx”

“Its a sensory processing problem. Can get better through therapy. My 5 yr old is same way. Hes about to begin his therapy.”

” My son is now 15 and finger and toe nail cutting were always a problem. Unfortunately he has solved it by now biting them but the trauma of fighting gets too much after the many years. He hates hair cuts and grew his hair long. Then one day I told him he needed to have it cut and he had it cut to zero! Now he keeps it short by letting me give him regular trims but only when he is Sat in the bath. These sensory issues are traits of autism and we learn to cope with them along side our child as they grow. As we find a coping mechanism for one trait another trait appears. Good luck to you all xxx”


” I have a kicking 2 year old. He loves deep pressure and general “horseplay” and I discovered when he needed ear drops that I could roll him in a blanket like a burrito and he actually enjoys it! I use burrito boy method for lots of things now, including toe nail trimming! He just laughs and thinks it’s the greatest thing ever.”

“I feel for you, it’s so hard, like no one else would believe……our support team told us to brush toes or fingers first with a medium texture brush….perhaps toothbrush or something ( u can get sensory brushes from America) but that seems to send the right messages to the toes and fingers to expect pressure…..hope that’s some help. Good luck, keep going, we all hear you.”

“I only do my sons after a bath so his nails are soft. And with some reassurance and promising i wont hurt him. He lets me do them while singing 12345 once i caught a fish alive etc. Xx”

“My son is 5. He is okay when I cut his finger nails but his toe nails is torture for him so I do it when he is watching tv or playing with his tablet. Washing hair has gotten better but he doesn’t like it when I’m pouring the water on his head. I tell him to cover his eyes and I try to rinse him off as quickly as possible and dry his face first when done. I think it helps too that I use a handheld shower head since it rinses the hair a little quicker. Good luck! I forgot to mention that having a visual schedule helps a lot. Try reminding him a day before that you will be cutting his nails and take a picture of you cutting his nails and show it to him next time to remind him and prepare him.”

“We used to. Then I told him that when he’s sleeping tiny monkeys poop in his finger nails and toe nails. Lol now when its time to cut his nails he is thankful that we’re cleaning out all that monkey poop”

“Just keep doing it on a regular basis build it into a routine and he will accept it mostly but if like mine still has off days lol just repeat repeat repeat youll get there in the end also offer a bribe i find that works usually something he likes good luck”

” Try using a nail file its way less scary for the child. I work in a day centre”

“Try massaging arms & legs firmly then gradually making your way down to hands & feet if the child is old enough explain & let them watch same with hair washing, put a mirror in the bathroom firm massage helps with the sensory & it would make our lives easier.. Mine is 14 now & he does his own, life gets better with time.. Goodluck.”

” Counting helps my daughter. So for example letting her know what number I am on and how many more we have left. She use to scream and kick and try to get away. Now counting she doesn’t. She understands the process behind counting so maybe that helps her mind understand!”

So what are your tips? If you have a question you would like to ask our group about autism and challenging behaviour why not write to info@patienttalk.org.

Many thanks in advance!

 

JenP When my son was younger numbers calmed him, so first we’d count out each toe as I clipped, but sometimes that wouldn’t be enough. He also loved Thomas The Tank Engine, each main character engine had a number painted on its sides, so we combined the trains and numbers and cut each nail in order.
I would name each train in order of number to matxh each toe clipped. Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon = 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on.
Kept his concentration and thinking of sources of happiness.
3 Comments Posted on Autism, Patient Talk

A diagnosis of autism! What was your first reaction on hearing the diagnosis of autism?


Advice for autism parents

Advice for autism parents

When I started this blog a few years back I wrote a blog post describing our son’s autism diagnosis. You can read the story here.

In the five years which have passed so much has changed. Not always for the better.

But I still vividly recall the day of the diagnosis and the pain it caused. In fact it was the 70th anniversary of the German invasion of Poland if your interested. We got the diagnosis at around 11.30 in the morning. Again if you are interested.

My initial reaction was a bit of a surprise to me. Both my wife and I had expected it. In fact. looking back. I don’t suppose there was any other possible outcome. But hope springs eternal – as they say.

After the first few moments of bleak sadness my next reaction was anger. Not just at the way we were told. Though pretty inept I doubt it would have made a difference. It was as much the unfairness of it all. Why? Because in those days I really thought my son’s life was over before it had begun.


But it’s not. Not at all. Yes it is different sure and not always easy but we lead a full family life and John has developed in many ways.

But I still think about that day and wondered how typical I am.

So a couple of days ago I posted a question on our Facebook Page AutismTalk. The results were fascinating and I thought I would share some of them with you. The ones I’ve selected have been on the basis of being representative rather than anything else. Indeed at time of writing this post we have had over 320 comments.

It would be great if you would use the comments section below.

Jason was pretty relaxed “It wasn’t a big deal to me. I still love my daughter if she was autistic or not. Even though she is classified as special needs….i don’t see her that way. She is just Julie..my daughter…no more…no less. The world is a her doorstep!”

Another reader was similar to me “Broken.. Cried.. Blame my self… But he is still my little boy… And I’m proud of him.. Very proud of him….” said Silvia.

Angela shared ” Firstly it was relief…..not because my son has asd but because at least we had finally got some where and I knew I wasn’t going mad,….i had known from an early age that my son was autistic it has just taken a while to get anyone to listen…….but then the feelings of guilt,I couldn’t help feeling that it was my fault somehow….i still do get those feelings sometimes , but at least we can now fight for my son to get the correct help he needs…..i love my son with all my heart and wouldn’t change him for anything.”

” I held it together until I got in the car. Then quietly cried the hour drive home. My husband drove us in silence. We spent that day grieving normal, the loss of what we thought things should be like for our boy…only just 3 then. The next day we woke up ready to embrace everything with a positive and easy going attitude. We threw all expectations out the window. We accepted this challenge. We got educated, we embraced therapies, learned how to step inside him. Jonathan’s now 11. Doing great. He’s a happy, warm, loving, and brilliant boy. My gem ” said another reader.

Robert mentioned “Relief in the fact that I could tell family to back off that it wasn’t a discipline issues.”

Of course emotions are strong “I cried for like 2 hours in my car after my wife my son got back home . We went to the doc they told us she cried on the way home I ask God for stenght not to cry and be strong for her after we got home I told I had to return to work I got in my car and broke down and cried . I love my boy it more then 10 years for us to get pregnant . I never asked God why or have any bad feelings what I did tell God is that ok I love my boy and accept me with all my heart just please don’t let my do this on my own help me with your love if you do this with me I know I can see anything through . It been good my wife and are more like a team now with share all my son things therapies , doc visits were never alone on anything . There are the bad days really bad day but that’s why we’re a team if she feels she needs a brake or can’t go I’m like tag me I’m in ? But there are good day to and we both share them . He’s my boy ” I love you carlosmanuel I won’t change you for anything ”

Glorie told us “Relief in the fact that I could tell family to back off that it wasn’t a discipline issues.”

Not everyone was positive “Sad. Confused. Frustrated. Lost. Hopeless. I didn’t cry, I just developed severe anxiety and depression. I’m pretty sure I have no clue what I’m doing. God help us all.”

Pauline movingly said “pride and love and knowing i was right a mother knows her child best xxxx” and another said “My husband and I sat in our car in shock and said that no one would just slap a label on our son..we expected the same for him as our other son. We had to make adjustments over the years, it was not always easy, but he is now 21 and is an amazing young man.”

The view from people with ASD was interesting. Katheryn shares “Finally I have a reason why I was different and that I’m not alone ”

Anna was upbeat “My son and I heard the news together. He was not diagnosed (with Aspergers) until he was 17. We both looked at each other with that sudden dawning of understanding. Suddenly we knew the reason for all our struggles. We hugged and talked well into the night. And had many conversations about all of it.”

So what about you? What was your reaction?

DesireeNicole Relieved, Camren is my third son and I learned not to compare my children after my second cause I seen first hand all kids were different and they developed on their own time. But I knew something was different or special I call it about Cam. My older boys threw temper tantrums but camren has episodes and when we got his diagnosis our life became easier, his and mine because we learned how to communicate and compromise with each other and his therapy’s and teachers I am forever grateful for.
MichelleBarger When I first got my son’s diagnosis I thought of my pregnancy, I ate lots of sea food. Then thought of the delivery, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck when he was born and he also swallowed merconium before he came out. Then I thought about his development when he was growing up. I saw signs but no one would listen. Finally got a Dr to listen but only after he was hospitalized with RSV at 15 months old and I got mad at the hospital staff.
BevLeroux Asperger’s – My Story
September 5, 2010 –
November 5, 2014
I had been researching
autism since 2005 when my young granddaughter was identified with
‘developmental delays’. I
lived my whole life not knowing I was on the autism spectrum, struggling to fit
in and hold down a job as a single parent. Managed to do this by the skin of my
teeth and retired in December 2010 at 65, just two months after my diagnosis.
SELF-IDENTFICATION,
FIRST!
In September 2010, I came across a local Asperger’s
group on Meetup.com that provided a list of websites, articles, videos and
books. I really connected with Michael John Carley’s “Asperger’s from the Inside
Out”. That very day, between videos and books I filled 30+ pages in a notebook:
“Yes, that’s the way I think. Yes, I do that. Yes, that’s what it feels like.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Watershed
moment.

Receiving an Asperger’s diagnosis, in October 2010, was a powerful
experience and a huge breakthrough for me. I had always known I was different,
from earliest childhood, and now I understood why. And I’d found others who are
like me! What a relief to view my life in retrospect and no longer blame myself
for being weak, flawed or wrong… but simply wired differently and experiencing
life from a different perspective than most people.

In addition, I realize now I had been self-medicating
most of my life as a way of coping with depression and anxiety resulting from
living life on the spectrum… being different and yet seeming to be ‘normal’…
struggling to fit in and meet high expectations both in school and at work, day
after day. That, and some pretty traumatic life experiences, made for a very
bumpy ride. I like to call it ‘high-functioning hell’.
Neurodiversity.Autism is a genetic neurodevelopmental condition. I
believe that undiagnosed and untreated it can well lead to mental illness and
addiction.I’m willing to bet that
thousands of people with ADD/ADHD and autism-spectrum disorders—particularly
the high-functioning ones—go through years of suffering undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed. They end up alcoholics or drug addicts and mentally ill—with
their lives derailed… a loss to themselves and society. Who knows how many suicides result from this kind of suffering?
Yes, I retired two months after my diagnosis in
November 2010 (after working 45 years in 20+ jobs) and life has never been
better. Enjoying every moment of my freedom to do what I love each and every
day. Helping others who are travelling
a similar road, especially young people on the spectrum who are just beginning
to make their way in the world. I
spend my social time with these mostly 20-somethings… mentoring, encouraging
and learning from them. I made these wonderful connections through social media
over the last four years.
I am very grateful for
this breakthrough. It has given me a wonderful opportunity to serve the adult
autism community.
On the creative side, I’m
an avid knitter, soon to attempt jewellery making, drumming and guitar. My dog
Lily and I travel as a team. Having the time of my life!
Bev Leroux
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Autism and Parenting Part Three – How do parents deal with family members not accepting your child has autism?

Autism and acceptance

Autism and acceptance

A couple of days ago Jenna asked the following really useful question on our discussion group AutismTalk. The ensuing discussion was so useful I thought it would be great to share it with you guys in a blog post as part of our Autism and Parenting series.

She asked “How do parents deal with family members not accepting your child has HF autism? How do you deal with family members not understanding your childs different sensory needs or when the are having a melt down – not just a tantrum and “need a good smack, or she is just tired” any advice would be great”.

Check out the replies and see if you agree!

“Limit interaction with them as much as possible. They will stress you out, upset you and its not worth the hassle. So Sorry. I’ve found the more you attempt to explain, the more in denial or defensive they get. Its not your problem its theirs.” was Victoria’s tough approach!

Linda’s comment was great “They’re denial is not your problem. ‘sorry you don’t understand, we’ll just go home.’ And go. No arguing, or anger..just facts. And then, hug your kid super hard.” Hugs are good!

Chantel and many other support education ” I have 3 children. With disabilitys 2 of them with asd and has been a long road I had a lot of issues people not understanding people telling me to put a leash on my kids before knowing some of my family members thinking my kids are too hard I just got autisim Queensland to send me info cards out and every time someone had a issue with my kids I would give them a card I have no time for people not excepting my kids or blaming me for my kids special needs my kids are my first priority and if people Can’t see just how special your kids are there not worth the time of day”

Or just ignore them was Alysha’s suggestion “I have learned to just let people’s opinions go in 1 ear and out the other. Or some don’t bother at all, my son doesn’t have autism but was diagnosed with fragile X syndrome 3 years ago. And I have told plenty of people that if they don’t feel the need to get know my child that’s fine he has enough live and support from his mom and dad!”

Rachel is upbeat “It takes time!!!! That’s all I can say. It’s been about a year now and they are just now comfortable saying he has it without saying well if he does have it. My son is very high functioning and last yeat was non verbal at the time of diagnosis. He has definitely bloomed over the year! My family even went on a autism speaks walk! Just keep doing what’s best. You don’t have to convince anyone!”

Of course there were many more but these are a few highlights.

It would be great if you could use the comments box below to share your suggestions!

5 Comments Posted on Autism, Patient Talk

Autism and Parenting Part Two – Unwanted Advice. How do you respond?

Advice for autism parents

Advice for autism parents

A few days ago Barbara posted the following question on our Facebook page AutismTalk. She asked “Why is it that people who’ve never actually met/dealt with someone with autism are the only ones that go to autism message boards/videos/sites and try to correct or lecture parents, teachers, and others that see and work with autism all the time? Am I the only one bothered by this? … “My friend/co-worker has a child with autism so I’m going to lecture you now.” Ooh. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.”

Granted lots of people who talked about autism online are, of course, members of the ASD community there is rather a large kernel of truth in her comments and certainly it is an excellent question. Indeed we thought it would be useful to have it as a discussion blog as part of our “Autism and Parenting” series.

The aim of this blog post is to share some of the responses we received to Barbara’s question and also to give our other readers and opportunity to give their suggestions or indeed just vent!

“My favourite – your child is so belligerent – no he’s autistic please learn the difference!” from Shaneen clearly struck a cord with many of our readers!

As did Nikki’s “Some people get it most don’t! My favourite comment “well he looks normal! ” oh sorry are they suppose to have a sign on their fore heads or something!!! The latest one ive got from a member of the family is “he’s growing out of what ever he had before I think hes correcting his behaviours so he doesn’t have it now! ” (my son has aspergers and dyslexia and adhd). Yay hes cured then…..? Are they real?”

Holly got some real rubbish from a healthcare professional “Lol. I love how a psychiatrist tells me what to do with my son. And she has no kids. Only book knowledge. Today she told me to take him to the ER for a meltdown. Umm. Lady that’s not the answer. He’s 13. And I know what I’m doing. Just get him a counselor like I’ve requested five times. His old Dr moved to England. He had kids. He understood. I called her boss and said I’m done. New Dr time. Give me someone that doesn’t fear Autism. That’s what frustrated me. She acted afraid of him. He would raise his voice and she would tense up. Umm your a psychiatrist. More training needed. Of course he raised his voice. You asked questions about abuse he received from school. Duh.”

Chris was stoical in his approach “You just have to learn to let it wash past you…… Nobody really knows it unless they live it..”

Kelly shares “my fav is actually “I work/ed with them, I know what ur talking about but ur wrong” so what you spend an hr at a time with any one child and you go home and sleep? talk to me when you havent slept much for a month or more and have been screamed at for making the pb+j in the wrong order, or you ran out of the fav food (even though you offered to run out and get more right now)”

Juliah has been told something my wife and I were told ” I see a lot of “autism didn’t exist 50 years ago so its just an easy excuse for bad parenting!” Obviously they’re uneducated because autism has been “around” for over 100 years! Also many parents of asd children also have children not on the spectrum and the behaviours are so different. Surely if we are bad parents all of our children would “misbehave”? I dont really blame people with no experience of an autistic child for their ignorance, because before our children were diagnosed werent we equally ignorant? If I saw a child screaming at its parent because it couldnt have something it wanted, or heard that a child in one of my childrens classes had behaved in an awful manner, I would have just presumed they were naughty, spoilt, needed a bit of discipline (not violence btw) never really thinking that there may be other issues going on. Schools do not inform parents which children are autistic, adhd, have a problematic homelife etc and which arent. So when someone had picked on your autistic child we may just presume they are a nasty child when actually, they may have struggles of their own. I know ive rambled on a bit but the point im trying to make is noone is educated in everything and we will all, at some time or another, judge a person even though we dont know what their story is. I really dont mind what people say any more, as I know the truth. My boy has such struggles to face each and every day, but he is the most loving, affectionate, comical, clever, amazing little boy. People may judge because he has been violent and say its my fault, but only my family has gone through this struggle, only we know all the efforts we have gone to to get the best for, and out of our child. NOONE ELSE MATTERS!!!!”

But for Patti it has been a nightmare “I have a daughter that is 24 and having alot of problems right now she was aggressive now she on meds still has melted downs a few times a day. The neighbors dont like us they called cys , health board and now we have to move out we rent. The one neighbor told us that all of them cant believe that we are keeping her instead of putting her away, really need friends that understand thanks”

Della says “My personal favorite: “They just need a good whack on the bottom”. Since my child had massive sensory overload in all of his senses and can only wear certain materials and can’t stand going barefoot outside, I’m sure a nice stinging whack isn’t really going to solve a meltdown. If possible, make sure they are in a safe place and let them have a melt down. This worked for my child and may not work for someone else s but he has learned how to self-regulate and as a young teenager he rarely has meltdowns.”

So what has been your most irritating bit of advice about autism? How did you respond? What did would you suggest to others told some utter rubbish.

You can share in the comments section below.

Thanks very much in advance!

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Autism and Dogs. We would love some more help please?

Brunni - Autism and pet therapy

Brunni – Autism and pet therapy

In one of those moments of serendipity there were a number of questions about autism and service dogs posted this weekend at our AutismTalk page on Facebook.

So why does serendipity come into it? Well Saturday was the day we went to collect our son’s dog from Battersea Dogs Home.

As readers may know our son , John, lives with classic autism and for sometime now we have been considering getting a dog as one of his autism therapies. There have been a lot of reports that having an animal in the family can really help with a child social skills. This is a challenging area for John and is our key reason for getting a family pet.

The dog, whose name is Brunni, is a ten week old puppy. Called a Jug by those in the know she is half Jack Russell and have Pug. In fact she is not formally a therapy dog. These do exist in the UK but a very hard to get hold of. We were turned down because the people providing them in the UK needed us to live within ten miles of a particular small town.

(I’ve been told trained autism service dogs cost in the region of $6,000-$7,000 which would put off a lot of people sadly!).

So why am I writing this blog? Apart from the obvious opportunity to put up a picture of Brunni. (see above). Well , again my wife and I are looking for tips, ideas and hints as to how best Brunni can help John.

I would be great if you could use the comments box below to share any ideas and experiences you have has as to how having a family pet can help a child (or of course an adult) with autistic spectrum disorder.

While my wife had a dog when we has young this is the first time I’ve lived in house with a puppy so it is all a bit daunting. Any advice would be well received.

Even better why not share a photo of you dog using the comments box.

Many thanks in advance!