Autism and learning to get dressed
This is one of those areas which my wife and I still have big issue with regards to our seven year old autistic son named John. So far we have drawn a bit of a blank in teaching him how to get dressed in the morning, or at any time, so I thought I would throw myself on the mercy of our readers and ask them how it’s done.
I should explain that John has a neurotypical sister, Anne, who was a dressing up fanatic so picked up the relevant skill almost as soon as she could walk. At the age of 11 this has now moved on to what she describes as fashion.
Each morning I have to sometimes cajole, sometimes humour John into getting dressed. This is a time-consuming and rather boring task which I would prefer for him to complete on his own.
So how do I do it? Social story? Dress him back to front?
Over to you. How did you or your children with autism learn to get dressed? It is a bit of an important life skill when you think about it.
Please use the comments section below to tell your story. I know that there are plenty of other parents who would love your advice.
Thanks in advance.
PS In full disclosure I should say that I did mention it at his school recently. He goes swimming on a weekly basis with his other ASD classmates. They said that he could get dressed by himself after swimming. But this was mainly because he was cold after getting out of the water. This has never happened at home but it could be another of those cases of a particular situation. Thoughts?
| LorraineJames | I have a visual sheet that I’ve made up and laminated on the wall with the morning, afternoon & evening routines. I find this assists my 6yo son to manage. Having said that, dressing is always a challenge with clothes getting thrown all over the place, or being put on back to front/inside out. With time restrictions for school, I find that putting a time on everything helps. We actually found that getting undressed at the end of the night was more of a challenge. Our psychologist helped with that one. We simply tell him now that he has 5 minutes to get dressed for bed, if he is not ready then he goes to bed exactly as he is when the time is up. Works a treat as he likes things to be done properly and hates the idea of going to bed half dressed (without his pyjamas on) |
| katindal | Hi…I have a son who is 23 and has autism…..and i don’t think there is a cure…..I do know …however…my son has come a very long way…..and if there are any parents of older children…I would love for our kids to get to know each other…… we live in Conway,s.c. i would like to address the dress of a morning….I dressed my son every morning…I don’t remember when he finally got it…..I chose my battles……he did for a long time have to wear the same kind of jeans…always wanted a red shirt and kid tennis shoes……and if thing bothered him he would cry for hours…..sooooo I dressed him…..he had to be at school on time…he was in a regular class room……good luck… |
| SabrinaRaeBlessel | Oh this has been an issue since day one of his first day of preschool. My son is now 8 yrs. old and we still have issue with morning routine but they are better than when we first started. What works for my family is routine, routine, routine! I have also found it easier for him to transition from one thing to the next with giving him notice in advance as to what he needs to do. Ex.( I will say while he is eating breakfast, as soon as your done eating it will be time to brush your teeth. I say that to him when I hand him his breakfast then I repeat it while he is eating and then when he is done eating.) I do this for every time it is time to move on to the next transition in the mornings. Also I have found another big distraction is the tv. Turning the tv off helps for us also. |
| Peggy Hood | I can not stress it enough……..ROUTINE! That’s what has worked for us. My son is twelve and has a diagnosis of PDD-NOS. We have been in routine for a while now. He pulls his shoes off at the door, hangs his jacket up, dresses himself, ect. and I believe routine is the key for these autistic children. If we do something that isn’t in the normal routine he gets a little upset but not like before. Just saying what works for us! |
| slseiler1 | ZimenaJane LauraBunderson We all have different experiences and beliefs with autism. In my experience, my son’s symptoms were not just different, they were dangerous. Multiple interventions like Laura describes have helped my son significantly. He still has triggers, but he has learned to manage himself in most situations. I feel his autism has been healed to a large degree…and I am pleased to learn of another mom who fought not just the autism symptoms but the “advice” of medical “professionals” who insisted I should get out of denial, get used to the fact that he would never speak, never express love, never have a typical life…I didn’t accept it and I’m thankful. He’s 15 as well. In public school. Grades are decent. Socially shy, but not obvious. Great eye contact. Loving and kind. Wrestles and was undefeated last year. So…I gently disagree that “Autism is not a disease that you can “cure.” No one really knows what autism is. |
| ZimenaJane | LauraBunderson Autism is not a disease that you can ‘cure’ – the brain is wired differently to the way that other peoples’ brains are wired. Your son’s visible signs of autism may have diminished but he will have autism for his whole life. There is nothing wrong with it – it’s just a different way of being and people with autism need to be helped to learn how to cope with life in our society. |
| LauraBunderson | I forgot about some of these issues I dealt with early on while I was curing my son of autism he also could barely dress himself. Before some of his break-throughs I remember dressing him most of the time wondering if he would ever learn. Even when he started shirts would often go on backwards as well as pants. Elastic wasted was a must. My best advice to you is to do your research on a cure they are out there but it isn’t like taking medicine or something quick. It takes a total life change and it is hard but not as hard as the life you have ahead you or your child if you don’t do something about it now. I started when my son was 5 he is now 14 and has very little signs..this year he got his first A on an English test I was so proud. He had lots of struggles when he got well enough to put back into public schools. It is looking like next year he will no longer need an IEP at school. Don’t ever give up finding the CURE its out there but you won’t find it at your family MD for sure. God Bless you all its a tough road I know. |
| LauraPalazzoLuckey | Hi John’s dad. I’m a Special Education teacher and think that a Picture Board might be of help. It will serve as a reminder or task analysis, of the desired actions as well as a tangible barometer of success. The following should be set up in a grid.
Clothing Mon. Tues. Wed. Thurs. Fri. Underwear Socks Pants Shirt Shoes John can place a sticker for each piece of clothing that he puts on himself. Make a big celebration each time. At the end of each morning of successful independent dressing, John should get a reward. ( a few minutes of TV, computer, play time) John and you will decide together how many stickers he should need to have gotten in order to earn a bigger reward. ( Happy Meal, pick out Saturday night’s dinner, ect) Eventually, you should wean John from daily rewards, but never from daily praise, with each successful independent dressing. Every other day until a weekly reward remains as the only reinforcer. I wish you well and congratulate you on being an obvious wonderful advocate for your son. Laura Luckey |
| slseiler1 | I put his clothes in the dryer. He loved the warmth. ..not too long or zippers (etc) get hot. I started w a warmed towel wrapped around him. I have also put him to sleep on clean school clothes. |
| TiffaneyStowe | Hello everyone. I don’t have an autistic child(ren) but I am a Care Provider who works with a High Functioning Autistic 19 year old who also has Aspergers. I’ve had to help get her into a routine of getting dress and doing hygiene stuff and keeping her room clean. Of course routine, praises and rewards. Stickers can be a big deal even tho it may not seem like it. To the parents of John, i think that if it is at all possible if maybe your son can take a shower in the morning then get dress. Since it seems he understands that he has to get dress after a shower. If that doesn’t work or can’t be done then maybe you could try something else. I’m not sure of everything that you’ve tried or how. So I don’t really want to say to much or say something you already or have done. Or offend you. But if you would like me to help further or rather help however I can. You can find me on Facebook. Thank You for your time and the opportunity to try and help. A Loving and Caring Care Provider, Tiffaney Stowe. |
| kalamu | We’ve only just begun to discover that our son probably has Aspergers/high functioning ASD. He is nearly 5. It is so difficult for him to focus on getting dressed in the morning as any other stimulation like talking o rtoys means he stops. If he accidently puts his socks on before his underpants he has to take them off again to put his pants on because ‘pants go first’. He sometimes has major freak outs with his buttons and I have to calm him down and talk him through it. Mornings are very time consuming and his 3 year old sister sees all of this and messes around for the attention too, she also knows how to push his buttons and set him off on a meltdown or a tangent which stops him getting dressed. Stressful is not even close! X |
| auzzymum | You may find it helpful to have the clothes stacked and ready to put on in the order that the child needs to get dressed. Including shoes. This may be the order that the child chooses to get dressed in rather than the order you think is most appropriate and always leave the clothing in the same place every day ie the foot of the bed, beside the bed, somewhere that you can keep up even if you go on vacation or visiting sometime overnight. Consistency and order is the key. I also found this method helpful to control what my son wore because when he was left to his own devices, he choose clothing that was not always appropriate for the weather we were having. That is if he bothered to get dressed at all on his own accord. Now that he’s older (19) everyone in the neighborhood remembers him as “the kid who used to keep taking his clothes off” thankfully we lived in a small and very understanding town. Good luck. |
| sneedley13 | I guess we tackled Connor’s issue without even realising we were doing it. He is also 7 and ASD, and gets lost in his own head quite a lot, so needs routine and bribery/reward to keep him focussed on the boring stuff. Like Sally40 ‘s son, Connor undresses and dresses in a certain order (known only to him as it changes from day to day) so when I get up in the morning, I lay out his school uniform ready to go – jumper on the bottom (as this has to be last!), underwear on the top. I always check to make sure nothing is inside out, and we have taught him to check for ‘ticket at the back’ so he knows he has put his t-shirt/trousers/jumper in the right way round. Connor knows that until he is dressed, he will not brush his teeth, and until he has brushed his teeth, he cannot have his breakfast and watch tv – we allow him to watch some tv in the morning, as this seems to take the stress out of getting ready for school for him, because it gives him time boundaries. Sometimes I have to start work at 6am, so I have left before he wakes up, but I always make sure that I tell him the night before, so he knows I won’t be there, but I sneak in and lay out his uniform in the same way, so that the only change to the routine is that he has to go in and jump in Daddy before forgetting to brush his teeth (apparently its daddy’s fault because he doesn’t do the reminding like I do!)If he does this without fuss during the week, as a reward, on one of the weekend days (if we aren’t going out early in the morning) he is allowed to stay in his pyjamas until lunchtime, which for Connor is the best thing ever! |
| morag59 | Hi I’m Lyndsey and I’m 24 and suffer from Aspergers Syndrome. My mum had to deal with the same thing when I was small. Someone told her to make it fun getting dressed. It would take me so long getting ready in the morning that sometimes I would be late for school which wasn’t good. I found it boring to get dressed because I would have to do all of these rituals in order for me to put the clothes on. Even now as an adult I still have to do rituals to put on my clothes. My mum used to make a kind of treasure map thing the night before. She would then leave items of clothing around the house according to the treasure map before she went to bed. She would draw a new treasure map each night to mix it up and be a bit more exciting. When I got up in the morning she would tell me that if I could find all of my clothes and put them on everyday then on Sunday I would get a reward. I found this exciting because I never knew what the surprise would be on Sunday. It was usually things like she would take me swimming or get me a new book to read or take me to McDonald’s. She would also keep a chart that I could see so that I knew if I was on my way to getting a reward. I really appreciated this as it gave me something to take my mind off the rituals and focus on something positive. I’m 24 and I still have to think up ways to make it easier and quicker to put on my clothes and thanks to my mum doing that simple thing it’s so much easier to find ways to put my clothes on. |
| Sally40 | I had a problem with my son when he was younger until i realised that he dressed himself in a set order – if something was missing (usually socks) he would not get dressed and would just sit there. He had a set routine on how he got ready for school so it was a case of everyone sticking to it. I have a friend who wrote a checklist for her son – an itemised list of what he had to do to be ready for school which he would follow. |
| TonyaSue | I have a 7 year old that is high functioning Asperger’s. This is an ongoing, daily task for me as well. I have to figure out a way to get him dressed as well as his 2 younger brothers while trying to get myself ready! There are times where he absolutely refuses to do anything. He will just sit there and grunt. I have tried bribing him, I have tried getting him dressed myself. I am not sure what to do either. His brothers see this going on and they try to do the same thing which makes my morning even harder! |
I have a visual sheet that I’ve made up and laminated on the wall with the morning, afternoon & evening routines. I find this assists my 6yo son to manage. Having said that, dressing is always a challenge with clothes getting thrown all over the place, or being put on back to front/inside out. With time restrictions for school, I find that putting a time on everything helps. We actually found that getting undressed at the end of the night was more of a challenge. Our psychologist helped with that one. We simply tell him now that he has 5 minutes to get dressed for bed, if he is not ready then he goes to bed exactly as he is when the time is up. Works a treat as he likes things to be done properly and hates the idea of going to bed half dressed (without his pyjamas on)
Hi…I have a son who is 23 and has autism…..and i don’t think there is a cure…..I do know …however…my son has come a very long way…..and if there are any parents of older children…I would love for our kids to get to know each other…… we live in Conway,s.c. i would like to address the dress of a morning….I dressed my son every morning…I don’t remember when he finally got it…..I chose my battles……he did for a long time have to wear the same kind of jeans…always wanted a red shirt and kid tennis shoes……and if thing bothered him he would cry for hours…..sooooo I dressed him…..he had to be at school on time…he was in a regular class room……good luck…
Oh this has been an issue since day one of his first day of preschool. My son is now 8 yrs. old and we still have issue with morning routine but they are better than when we first started. What works for my family is routine, routine, routine! I have also found it easier for him to transition from one thing to the next with giving him notice in advance as to what he needs to do. Ex.( I will say while he is eating breakfast, as soon as your done eating it will be time to brush your teeth. I say that to him when I hand him his breakfast then I repeat it while he is eating and then when he is done eating.) I do this for every time it is time to move on to the next transition in the mornings. Also I have found another big distraction is the tv. Turning the tv off helps for us also.
I can not stress it enough……..ROUTINE! That’s what has worked for us. My son is twelve and has a diagnosis of PDD-NOS. We have been in routine for a while now. He pulls his shoes off at the door, hangs his jacket up, dresses himself, ect. and I believe routine is the key for these autistic children. If we do something that isn’t in the normal routine he gets a little upset but not like before. Just saying what works for us!
ZimenaJane LauraBunderson We all have different experiences and beliefs with autism. In my experience, my son’s symptoms were not just different, they were dangerous. Multiple interventions like Laura describes have helped my son significantly. He still has triggers, but he has learned to manage himself in most situations. I feel his autism has been healed to a large degree…and I am pleased to learn of another mom who fought not just the autism symptoms but the “advice” of medical “professionals” who insisted I should get out of denial, get used to the fact that he would never speak, never express love, never have a typical life…I didn’t accept it and I’m thankful. He’s 15 as well. In public school. Grades are decent. Socially shy, but not obvious. Great eye contact. Loving and kind. Wrestles and was undefeated last year. So…I gently disagree that “Autism is not a disease that you can “cure.” No one really knows what autism is.
LauraBunderson Autism is not a disease that you can ‘cure’ – the brain is wired differently to the way that other peoples’ brains are wired. Your son’s visible signs of autism may have diminished but he will have autism for his whole life. There is nothing wrong with it – it’s just a different way of being and people with autism need to be helped to learn how to cope with life in our society.
I forgot about some of these issues I dealt with early on while I was curing my son of autism he also could barely dress himself. Before some of his break-throughs I remember dressing him most of the time wondering if he would ever learn. Even when he started shirts would often go on backwards as well as pants. Elastic wasted was a must. My best advice to you is to do your research on a cure they are out there but it isn’t like taking medicine or something quick. It takes a total life change and it is hard but not as hard as the life you have ahead you or your child if you don’t do something about it now. I started when my son was 5 he is now 14 and has very little signs..this year he got his first A on an English test I was so proud. He had lots of struggles when he got well enough to put back into public schools. It is looking like next year he will no longer need an IEP at school. Don’t ever give up finding the CURE its out there but you won’t find it at your family MD for sure. God Bless you all its a tough road I know.
Hi John’s dad. I’m a Special Education teacher and think that a Picture Board might be of help. It will serve as a reminder or task analysis, of the desired actions as well as a tangible barometer of success. The following should be set up in a grid.
Clothing Mon. Tues. Wed. Thurs. Fri.
Underwear
Socks
Pants
Shirt
Shoes
John can place a sticker for each piece of clothing that he puts on himself. Make a big celebration each time. At the end of each morning of successful independent dressing, John should get a reward. ( a few minutes of TV, computer, play time) John and you will decide together how many stickers he should need to have gotten in order to earn a bigger reward. ( Happy Meal, pick out Saturday night’s dinner, ect) Eventually, you should wean John from daily rewards, but never from daily praise, with each successful independent dressing. Every other day until a weekly reward remains as the only reinforcer. I wish you well and congratulate you on being an obvious wonderful advocate for your son. Laura Luckey
I put his clothes in the dryer. He loved the warmth. ..not too long or zippers (etc) get hot. I started w a warmed towel wrapped around him. I have also put him to sleep on clean school clothes.
Hello everyone. I don’t have an autistic child(ren) but I am a Care Provider who works with a High Functioning Autistic 19 year old who also has Aspergers. I’ve had to help get her into a routine of getting dress and doing hygiene stuff and keeping her room clean. Of course routine, praises and rewards. Stickers can be a big deal even tho it may not seem like it.
To the parents of John, i think that if it is at all possible if maybe your son can take a shower in the morning then get dress. Since it seems he understands that he has to get dress after a shower. If that doesn’t work or can’t be done then maybe you could try something else. I’m not sure of everything that you’ve tried or how. So I don’t really want to say to much or say something you already or have done. Or offend you. But if you would like me to help further or rather help however I can. You can find me on Facebook.
Thank You for your time and the opportunity to try and help. A Loving and Caring Care Provider, Tiffaney Stowe.
We’ve only just begun to discover that our son probably has Aspergers/high functioning ASD. He is nearly 5. It is so difficult for him to focus on getting dressed in the morning as any other stimulation like talking o rtoys means he stops. If he accidently puts his socks on before his underpants he has to take them off again to put his pants on because ‘pants go first’. He sometimes has major freak outs with his buttons and I have to calm him down and talk him through it. Mornings are very time consuming and his 3 year old sister sees all of this and messes around for the attention too, she also knows how to push his buttons and set him off on a meltdown or a tangent which stops him getting dressed. Stressful is not even close! X
You may find it helpful to have the clothes stacked and ready to put on in the order that the child needs to get dressed. Including shoes. This may be the order that the child chooses to get dressed in rather than the order you think is most appropriate and always leave the clothing in the same place every day ie the foot of the bed, beside the bed, somewhere that you can keep up even if you go on vacation or visiting sometime overnight. Consistency and order is the key. I also found this method helpful to control what my son wore because when he was left to his own devices, he choose clothing that was not always appropriate for the weather we were having. That is if he bothered to get dressed at all on his own accord. Now that he’s older (19) everyone in the neighborhood remembers him as “the kid who used to keep taking his clothes off” thankfully we lived in a small and very understanding town. Good luck.
I guess we tackled Connor’s issue without even realising we were doing it. He is also 7 and ASD, and gets lost in his own head quite a lot, so needs routine and bribery/reward to keep him focussed on the boring stuff. Like Sally40 ‘s son, Connor undresses and dresses in a certain order (known only to him as it changes from day to day) so when I get up in the morning, I lay out his school uniform ready to go – jumper on the bottom (as this has to be last!), underwear on the top. I always check to make sure nothing is inside out, and we have taught him to check for ‘ticket at the back’ so he knows he has put his t-shirt/trousers/jumper in the right way round. Connor knows that until he is dressed, he will not brush his teeth, and until he has brushed his teeth, he cannot have his breakfast and watch tv – we allow him to watch some tv in the morning, as this seems to take the stress out of getting ready for school for him, because it gives him time boundaries.
Sometimes I have to start work at 6am, so I have left before he wakes up, but I always make sure that I tell him the night before, so he knows I won’t be there, but I sneak in and lay out his uniform in the same way, so that the only change to the routine is that he has to go in and jump in Daddy before forgetting to brush his teeth (apparently its daddy’s fault because he doesn’t do the reminding like I do!)
If he does this without fuss during the week, as a reward, on one of the weekend days (if we aren’t going out early in the morning) he is allowed to stay in his pyjamas until lunchtime, which for Connor is the best thing ever!
Hi I’m Lyndsey and I’m 24 and suffer from Aspergers Syndrome.
My mum had to deal with the same thing when I was small. Someone told her to make it fun getting dressed. It would take me so long getting ready in the morning that sometimes I would be late for school which wasn’t good. I found it boring to get dressed because I would have to do all of these rituals in order for me to put the clothes on. Even now as an adult I still have to do rituals to put on my clothes.
My mum used to make a kind of treasure map thing the night before. She would then leave items of clothing around the house according to the treasure map before she went to bed. She would draw a new treasure map each night to mix it up and be a bit more exciting. When I got up in the morning she would tell me that if I could find all of my clothes and put them on everyday then on Sunday I would get a reward. I found this exciting because I never knew what the surprise would be on Sunday. It was usually things like she would take me swimming or get me a new book to read or take me to McDonald’s. She would also keep a chart that I could see so that I knew if I was on my way to getting a reward. I really appreciated this as it gave me something to take my mind off the rituals and focus on something positive.
I’m 24 and I still have to think up ways to make it easier and quicker to put on my clothes and thanks to my mum doing that simple thing it’s so much easier to find ways to put my clothes on.
I had a problem with my son when he was younger until i realised that he dressed himself in a set order – if something was missing (usually socks) he would not get dressed and would just sit there. He had a set routine on how he got ready for school so it was a case of everyone sticking to it. I have a friend who wrote a checklist for her son – an itemised list of what he had to do to be ready for school which he would follow.
I have a 7 year old that is high functioning Asperger’s. This is an ongoing, daily task for me as well. I have to figure out a way to get him dressed as well as his 2 younger brothers while trying to get myself ready! There are times where he absolutely refuses to do anything. He will just sit there and grunt. I have tried bribing him, I have tried getting him dressed myself. I am not sure what to do either. His brothers see this going on and they try to do the same thing which makes my morning even harder!